Life Updates, Unorganized thought of an 18 years old.

August 1, 2017

Five months ago I decided I was going to move to Louisiana on August first. Two weeks later around that time God said no. Today I would have been moving to Louisiana. I would have said goodbye to y'all and be moving down south, somewhere I've always dreamed I'd be.

Since five months ago until about a week ago I still had no idea what I was doing with my life. I've tried to move twice this year, but God has said no both times; because He has something greater if I'm obedient.

It's crazy how much things can change from now to then. By being obedient in the hard circumstances, God has revealed Himself to me. Last week was the first of seeing Him move for the first time in awhile; because this time I didn't have any distractions or things holding me back from paying attention to what HE has to say. Not me.

I'm a part of an internship at my church every Tuesday. At the end of every day we join the church's prayer group in prayer for an hour. Last week, they decided to pray over all nine interns. I was the second person they prayed for and I will never forget what happened that night. The Holy Spirit completely took over the room, for one who doesn't cry in public ever, I cried that night along with the rest of the group. One thing someone said that stuck out was that even though I want to go and travel and move and live spontaneous, I need to be obedient in where God has called me. God has called me here, in Massachusetts.

Be faithful in the small things so He can trust you with bigger.

That was hard to hear at first because I love to travel. That was the first step in God showing me what the next step in life is. The second step came during a conference called the Gathering I attended this weekend. On the last night they called everyone up for prayer. At one point someone came up to pray for me. They asked what I needed prayer for and I said vision. She started praying and I thought she would say a quick prayer and move on to the next. But God spoke through her and gave me the next step that I will be taking here in Massachusetts. Through her, God told me to start a women's ministry. The minute she said it I started crying and it felt like a huge burden was lifted off of me. This was the third time and final confirmation that this is what I need to be doing.

He's already started this by putting a couple young women/girls in my life to disciple and show His love to.

So, two days before I was supposed to be moving and staring new somewhere else, God gave me a plan and a vision to fulfill here. I still want to travel and I truly hope I'll be moving at some point for adventure. But God, chose me here and I will be joyful and faithful in where He has called me.

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Unorganized thought of an 18 years old.

July 8, 2017

Around a month from today I would have been moving to New Orleans, Louisiana.
But here I sit, on the floor in my cousin’s room with no plans.

I made the decision to come to Michigan thirty minutes before my aunt and grandmother pulled out of my drive way while they came to visit from Michigan. In those thirty minutes I packed as fast as I could. I packed one too many pairs of pants and not enough shirts and I forgot my belt and camera. I like spontaneity, so I thought why not. As the drive over progressed, the decision of coming seemed less and less of a good idea. In the course of a fourteen hour drive and the next seven days, it felt like God picked apart almost every friendship I had with someone that I found love and trust in. He showed me things that I was blind to see. He stripped me of the plans I made for my future. He showed me grace by release and He showed me what it’s like to be broken.

I feel broken. I feel like everything that I was comfortable with has been flipped upside down. I feel like everything that has happened this year the answer has been no. Every time I think it’s over, I find that it’s just one more thing to make me think, “oh what now?”. I feel at a loss as to what to say or do anymore, I am expecting the worst (the pessimist in me). I feel laying on the floor and drowning my sorrows in peanut butter (the wannabe optimist in me, because you know, peanut butter). I know things won’t be the same when I go home, I’m still adjusting to that.

I’ve come to the conclusion I struggle with knowing what the right love is. I struggle with knowing my worth and what God’s grace is like. My head is on a constant loop of telling myself I’m unwanted, unloved, and I’m not good enough. But, God is teaching me my worth in Him, His true love and never ending grace. I’m struggling to see these things clearly right now, but I am starting to see Him more clearly. He’s shown me this through my family, His Word, and through His creation.

What should have been a terrible trip, God is using it for good and it’s only the beginning. He’s using it to shape me and teach me things I wouldn’t have been able to any other way. He needed to pull me from home and make me uncomfortable. And it was all because of spontaneity.

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Uncategorized, Unorganized thoughts of a 17 year old

pray, wait, trust

My life has felt like nonstop spiraling confusion lately. Nothing dreadfully terrible has happened, it’s just the time in my life where things are changing. People are going to college or moving to new states for new adventures. It feels almost as if one minute someone is here and then next, they are gone before you can blink. At the moment, I’m not moving or leaving. I’m not taking college classes and I don’t plan on returning to college, I don’t think that that is something God has planned in my life.
I actually don’t know what God has planned for my life, period.
I have the opportunity to move to New Orleans, move to Colorado for a month, go on a missions trip to Nepal, and lately I’ve been considering the World Race (I’ve also been considering just getting in my car and driving anywhere). I know God is preparing me to move soon, but I don’t know where and I don’t know when. Not knowing can really hurt your brain, ya know?
I’m ready to be open to what God wants, I’m ready to move across the world and travel. But I hear God whispering in my ear “just wait, pray, and trust”. That’s not easy sometimes… I know what He has is better then what I make up in my head. When I was little, I planned that once I graduated high school, I would go to college, get my degree, and find someone to marry while I’m there. Life didn’t turn out that way. God showed me that this life is not my own and my plans are’t going to make me happy, and recently I let my own plans get ahead of me and disappoint me. But God knows what’s happening and He’s letting things happen for a reason, so I’ll wait, pray, and trust.
I find myself saying , “So, what now God?” a lot lately. People leave, situations change, opportunities move on, and so what now? I feel like a sitting duck. Things are changing around me, but I’m not. But in this waiting period (though I am unaware of it now), God is doing something great. He’s moving and He’s preparing me for whatever is ahead. It’s easier said then done because it all just looks confusing, the kind of confusing where you decided to move the furniture in your house around and then you’re house is just a messy clump of furniture in a corner and piles dog hair that was hiding under the couches. Even that analogy was messy, moving on. My God is not a God of confusion or messy analogies, He brings peace and order in the hard times. In the hard situations where I question, is where He whispers “just pray, wait, and trust”. So I’ll pray, wait and trust.
I’ve learned that when God wants you to grow, He makes you uncomfortable. Uncomfortable is not the same as miserable or abandoning. It just means He’s pushing you to new levels, but He will never push too far. You have the choice in those pushing moments to act miserable or not or to treat it as though He has left you. You can run towards Him or away from Him the way I see it. He pushed me to be more social this year, and boy it hurt. I’m not a social person and I’ve come to find out my conversation can be awkward because I babble. That’s why I like typing things out because I can edit it first, but even then… God will continue to grow and push you all of your life and He’s doing it for the better, I find peace in that. In the mean time, while He pushes and grows me, I’ll wait, pray, and trust.
No matter what confusion takes place, God goes before in any situation. He has been there and He will be there when you walk through it. I know that without Jesus, I am a hopeless, confusing mess. So when you don’t understand why things are the way they are and why God is putting you through the fire, just wait, pray, and trust.

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Life Updates, Unorganized thoughts of a 17 year old

Called to Go

Ok guys, I have some exciting news… I’m going on a missions trip! God has really been faithful through out this whole process from where I am going all the way to providing the money I need to go. There is not one part of the journey that His hand has not touched. Let me share the story as to how I got where I am now.

About a year ago, I attend TeenPact’s National Convention. While I was there I was able to hear a woman talk about missions. She talked about the World Race and her experience from it, (for those of you who don’t know, the World Race is an 11 month mission trip to 11 differnet countries). I remember her talking about it and thinking, “I want to do that, I want to tell other’s about Jesus and make an impact.” I remember feeling a tug in my heart to tell others about Jesus, I’ve always known as a Christian that it’s my job to tell others, but watching her talk about telling others about the Gospel with such passion gave me a new mind set. As a Christian it is my mission not just a job or a task that should be checked off my list. I remember praying that night asking God to send me, anywhere, even if it was my own backyard. And one year later, He did.

For those of you who know me well, know I’ve had longing to go to New Orleans for awhile. I don’t know what exactly, but something about the place has drawn me to it. Maybe it was the atmosphere. The jazz music, the colourful buildings, the way the food looked, the eclectic look of the place or maybe it was just after seeing the Princess and the Frog, I don’t know. Whatever it was, I’ve always had a want to go.

My youth group has this book that has a question every week, I guess it’s kind of like a sign in sheet. Every week the question is different. At the beginning of this year there was a question about what’s one thing you want to do this year or what’s one place you want to travel this year (something like that). Naturally, I wrote New Orleans, having in mind that it is impossible. At that time, I was still praying that God would send me somewhere.

About a month ago, my mum got an email from an old friend in college. She’s running a missionary organization for teens and young adults called Fuel International. In her email, there were three missions trips listed: Baja Mexico, Lima Peru, and New Orleans USA. There is no way you could ever convince me that this wasn’t the work of God.

My mum, knowing I wanted to go to New Orleans and would love the opportunity to be on a missions trip, forwarded me the email. After praying about the decision, I realized there was no way I couldn’t go. God placed the perfect opportunity to tell others about Him and in New Orleans of all places. If it was His plan for me not to go then I would know if the funds didn’t come through. If it’s God’s Will then He will provide a way.

In order to go I had to raise $300 within the first two weeks and the other $200 (not including flights) 45 days before I leave. Exactly two weeks after I signed up to the day, I raised all the money I needed to go. I still need to raise money for flights, but God has already started providing money for that. He is faithful.

As Christians, we are called to treat our whole lives as a mission field. We are called to be bold and we are called to go. Whether you go on short term missions trips, long term missions trips or you just stay where your at. Where ever God puts you, treat it as an opportunity to tell others about Jesus and to love them with the same love Christ has shown you, because in the end it is a matter of life or death.

Telling others about Jesus does require going outside of your comfort zone, but it is the most important thing you can ever do. I am going to a city I’ve never been to alone, with people I’ve never even met and telling strangers about Jesus on the streets of New Orleans. There’s not one thing about that, that doesn’t scare me. But living for Jesus has this thrill, this unending excitment and feeling of living with purpose. I never know what God is going to have in store for me for the future, but I know my answer will always be yes. When He calls me, I am ready to get up and go, and while I wait for Him to call me somewhere, I will evangelize and serve where I am at.

God is so good.

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Unorganized thoughts of a 16 year old

Insecurities


As you can tell by the header for this blog post you can take a guess as to what I am talking about. The dictionary defines insecurities as, “uncertainty or anxiety about oneself; lack of confidence.” I have a lot of confidence within myself, but I also have a lot of insecurities.

“Wait, you have insecurities?!”

Yes, yes I do. Shocking I know. I get that this isn’t something most people would want to talk about, their flaws. But I am not most people, so let’s talk about it.

I get insecure by being around people, that’s really the big one. I am afraid that I’ll mess up and say something or do something stupid around them and then they’ll think I’m the bad type of weird and avoid me for the rest of their life. Biggest fear/insecurity right there. Also snakes, snakes are my biggest fear, or as one of my friends likes to put it, “healthy respect.”

Because of my insecurity, I put up a wall. I put up mental walls a lot, whether I’m meeting someone new, seeing someone I haven’t seen in a while, I’m just uncomfortable with the situation I am in, or I just don’t want to be there. When I am in these type of situations I tend to say unintentional put downs to the person or persons I am having a conversation with or I am just down right awkward and I put myself in uncomfortable situations in which I have constructed. Woohoo… I guess I think I’m joking until I mentally replay the conversation in my head later and come to the horrific realization of what I have actually said or did or both. Then I proceed to curl up in my quilt and watch Netflix until I feel mentally stable again. No seriously, it’s an an exceptional antidote.

One thing that doesn’t help is that I am not a very emotional person. It’s not that I am a comprehensively emotionless robot, but a lot of times I don’t know how to tend to the emotional needs of others. Usually a pat on the back and a “it’s ok” suffices it for me. I think it’s my way of putting up a wall and containing everything I’m thinking inside because I am to afraid to say the wrong thing and then be judged. It’s an insecurity really.

Everyone has fears and insecurities of messing up or that they’re not good enough and yeah, you’ll mess up sometimes. But who are you trying to please? God or man? If you are trying to please man and you’re putting your self worth in a single person or group of persons you won’t be getting far let me tell you that. People will fail you, they won’t live up to your expectations, and they won’t always like you. I am preaching to myself here as well, I am found guilty of these things. I know this sounds completely cheesy and I absolutly hate this phrase just because of what I’ve heard associated with it, but….. be yourself (gags). Ok I said it. Be who God made you to be and stop relying on mans judgement and opinion. Don’t live life through your insecurities, don’t live life in fear of failing. Live life to the fullest; boldly and courageously.

 

 

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Politics, Unorganized thoughts of a 16 year old

One Nation Over God

One Nation under God, indivisible, with liberty, and justice for all.” 

This was once true, but if you haven’t noticed not so much anymore. It seems more like one Nation OVER God.

One of the most disheartening and unsettling movements going on in this country is the effort to completely purge any reference to God from our society. When we turn on the news and see a news story with the mention of God in it, it’s usually taking place in a school. And why not aim for the school system to take God out? It’s where the young people of our society are, so let’s educate them with naturalistic ideas instead of theistic. Let’s make sure that they aren’t getting the wrong idea that it’s ok to talk about God in public.

Madalyn Murray O’Hair. She was an active atheist and was the founder of American Atheists. O’Hair is best known for the Murray v. Curlett lawsuit, which led to a landmark Supreme Court ruling ending official Bible-reading in American public schools in 1963. This came just one year after the Supreme Court prohibited officially sponsored prayer in schools. 

Some may say that this makes sense because of the separation of church and state. Well let me tell you something. 

“Separation of Church and State” is nowhere found in the Constitution or any other founding legislation. Our forefathers would never condone the restrictions on religion exacted today. The phrase “separation of church and state” was initially invented by Baptists striving for religious toleration in Virginia, whose official state religion was then Anglican. Baptists thought government limitations against religion illegitimate. James Madison and Thomas Jefferson supported their cause.

Thomas Jefferson stated, “The First Amendment has erected ‘a wall of separation between church and state.’ . . . that wall must be kept high and impregnable.” The Baptists wrote to Jefferson congratulating his election and objecting to the First Amendment. They thought it implied government dispensed what was not government’s to give. Jefferson agreed. His reply clearly applied “Separation of Church and State” to the establishment and not to the free exercise of religion. As he expressed, what communities did and how they worshipped were not federal affairs. Jefferson later said the central government was “interdicted from intermeddling with religious institutions.” 

The Northwest Ordinance of 1787 states: “Religion, morality, and knowledge, being necessary to good government and the happiness of mankind, schools and the means of education shall forever be encouraged.” Ironic isn’t it. This statement is almost COMPLETLY opposite from what we have in our government and schools today. The government and schools are so corrupt, and I do believe it’s because God has been removed. Without God, what are their morals being based on?

While society is being “careful” not to offend people with the mention of God or Christianity, the Christians are being criticized for speaking about what they believe, and what America was founded on.   An America over God is what the founders and citizens fought against from the very beginning. 

It’s time to take back our Nation and fight the good fight. 

 

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